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kill the body the head will die

Landlocked Blues - Bright Eyes

I'm very tired. Last night was a blurr of parties... I went to bed at about 4:30 this morning. When Dylan and Jason dropped me off, I could hear birds singing. I fell into bed without even caring if I changed my clothes or not, and woke up two hours later, got into the car with my dad and drove to Toronto to take a tour and check out Sheridan. Besides the crazy lack of sleep, I had a good time and all in all, I'm pretty happy with the place.

I have shower curtain rings stuck on my arm. I would explain that better... But that's all you really need to know. They hurt to put on, and they'll be a bitch to get off...

I've Seen Better Days - Sublime

I went to Jon's party last night. It was a pretty good time to be had by all I think. I think I impressed Jon by being able to do two shots of Tequilla in the time he did one. (It surprised even me.) Earlier in the day, my class had gone for an all day biking trip, and my ass hurt from my bike seat, and my knee got smashed on a rock, and was acting funny on me. But that didn't stop me from havin a good night. Stephen showed up around 11pm, which was fine at first, but... apparently not fine with some people later on. But that's my fault, I guess. He tried to talk to me about how it was soo unlike me to let someone else affect what I do, but I don't see it that way at all. The situation is complicated and more likely than not, it's just going to get even more complicated as time goes on.

But, Jon made me a sign! I almost got set on fire at one point during the night, so he photoshoped this, and put it on his fridge. It made me smile.




And a couple photos I got from our biking trip.




And, in other news... I am officially going to Sheridan college. I haven't told everyone yet, but by the end of the week I hopefully will. A lot of people wanted me to go to Fanshawe, but in all honesty, I'm not ready for a 3 year course. I'm not in a place where I'm so sure of what I want to do that I'm willing to make that kind of commitment and risk. It's not worth it for me. So, as much as I would love to be able to go to London with my friends and I know if I did, I'd have a blast... But, Sheridan is more along the lines of what I can handle right now and hopefully people don't get mad at me for making that choice.

Take Me Home Again - DZK

I'm trying to get some stuff sorted out. The past couple of weeks have been an adventure, that's for sure. I haven't talked to Stephen in a while, and as strange as it sounds... I feel better with him not being in my life as much. I almost feel guilty for saying it, but he isn't the same person he used to be and I can't keep expecting him to be. He just doesn't care about me anymore, and though that hurts, I've realised, it's really for the best. Everytime I see him, he makes me feel guilty for something I've done, or makes me feel like I'm just not worth anyone's time. I don't like being around someone who treats me like that... And there are so many other people in my life now that actually care about me. I'm slowly realising that not every guy out there is gonna treat me the way Stephen did, and it's not normal to go through all that. I'm definatly not ready for a relationship or anything, but I am branching out a little more.

Our ESP (Environmental Studies Program) class did a waste audit this week. We went through our school's garbage (yeah, all of it) and sorted out what was recyclable and what wasn't. The whole thing was a pretty interesting experience, we got all dressed up in white suits to keep the crap off us, and Dylan even brough a gas mask, which ended up being a good idea because the smell got pretty bad!



And some guy from The Sun Times came and did an article on what we were doing. Unfortunatly, it was portrayed in a more negative way than we had hoped, but that's the media for you. It was really pretty strange to see us, 20 kids in white suits and rubber gloves, sorting through huge piles of garbage while singing Bohemian Rhapsody as loud as we could (we didn't have any music, so we sang for most of the day). I think a number of other people at school thought we were pretty nuts.

But that class has turned out to be great in a lot of ways, minus some of the work. We went on a hike up to Ingles Falls and back which was a pretty fun day. I loved getting my boots covered in mud and just walking around in the woods the way I used to all the time.



This weekend is gonna be good I think. Jason's parents aren't home, so we'll have a place to crash at the end of our nights rather than getting Dylan or someone to drive us all home. I went to a little party last night with Jason, and he ended up getting pretty sleepy and it was cute. I think I'll be partying with him tonight too. He's one of those people that makes you feel worth something. And I need that right now.

Bold as Love - John Mayer

I remember the window breaking because I could feel little pointy raindrops on my back. I'm pretty sure Stephanie was with me, taking care of me, but at that point I couldn't really see anything other than what was going on in my head. Eventually Jason, Nathan and Laura showed up... I'm not really sure how that happened... And Nathan was getting me to drink water and they were putting up with me as only good friends can do. I kinda 'woke up' or 'snapped out of it', and found myself sitting in a chair, curled up with Jason and Nathan, wearing Nathan's shoes and figuring out what my body was doing. My ribs felt like they were slowly breaking and my head was lost somewhere between reality and... something else. I feel bad when people take care of me. But, there's one more hint that I should slow down a little, maybe I'll listen this time. The good times are killing me.